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When I Came Back

by A Duck Named Ping

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1.
kids’ grubby fingerprints are on the window through a glass darkly i see the city is treading water, treading water, treading water treading water and thundering underground with sleepwalkers and punks and business suits all in a bricolage, our lives are on pause thank god, thank god, thank god thank god and then you come home and then we roam the streets below where words fail, friends don’t we could sing the alphabet together and i bet that we’d both feel better
2.
i worked in the stacks all day surrounded by dirty words i cleaned them ‘til i could read them and then i was on my way to your fridge drank my beer in the middle of the day with a holy fear, and then felt guilty about it i’d drive home past midnight to my parents’ house shoot a text to let you know that i was safe, i had fun, you were never a louse now that summer’s been gone for two years you’ve been out of my sight half that time i still wish i could steer straight now three different people have taken over but every time i drive by the picture just keeps getting older and older because i see my memories because i see where you loved me to pieces
3.
i unzipped myself you drove down to the waves the salty wind, it stung like peroxide and i have never felt more alive a misty, grey morning marbled and slippery every care just slid off its rounded edge and i would sleep forever in that bed falling from, falling into we split our bodies, and made something new some need paper, and some need skin, i've got that day—living within a somnolent evening all the world beneath one ceiling there's nothing left to be feeling and i'm okay with that feeling falling from, falling into we split our bodies, and made something new some need paper, and some need skin, i've got that day—living within
4.
one day i’ll wake up and the sky will look the same and i will feel all my connections like roots pulsing in the rain like food that keeps me alive like water where waves pass through but nothing moves neither me nor you but then i’ll let go and have no idea of where all i know will go or disappear i will never be untied ‘cause i am a line and there are many lines that will always make a knot in my mind and i will never subside ‘cause i am a wave made up by the many waves with which i collide i will feel something new i will be a discovery like i was when i was three and everything was fresh and frightening and scary and filled with the future i will never be untied ‘cause i am a line and there are many lines that will always make a knot in my mind and i will never subside ‘cause i am a wave made up by the many waves with which i collide
5.
st. augustine was a man like me he was full of life and full of disease when he made his plea, he said, “leave me be just a little while longer” but then a little while will never come it might show its head a minute but then it runs it might say, “how do you do?” but then it leaves you black and blue and you hurt all over ‘til the day when all those dead ends die and you can’t see a thing ‘cause you’re finally blind and then a man spits in your eyes, and then that little while dies and you stare god in the face i’m a wanderer still moving onward i may turn around sometimes, but i still hunger for a resting place where i might find the warmth of an embrace that i left a lifetime ago

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released April 17, 2012

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